


Fuck You, Spaghetti

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Author regrets nothing, Ben is a weirdo, Crack, Don't Try This At Home, Exhibitionism, F/M, Food Fetish, Food Kink, Food Sex, I Wrote This Instead Of Paying Attention to the 2020 Election, Medical Procedures, Mutual Masturbation, Public Sex, Voyeurism, rey is into it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:34:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Ben is a foodie who takes his love for food a little too far.  Rey is an ER doctor that helps Ben handle some if the consequences of his food love.  When she catches him outside of the ER one night she finds a hunger within herself is awakened.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 63
Kudos: 66
Collections: Anonymous





	Fuck You, Spaghetti

**Author's Note:**

> This chaotic neutral fic was written in the year of our insanity, 2020, as we watched the U.S. elections.
> 
> Yeah. 
> 
> Those elections.
> 
> Look, we needed a distraction okay?

Ben Solo enjoyed food. He really enjoyed food. He had a blog of his eating exploits and everything, complete with painstaking perfect photos because he would never settle for anything less than RAW files where he could adjust the lighting, if a restaurant was a little too dark, or smooth out any imperfections on the plate.

However Ben Solo had no desire to even photograph the monstrosity that was just put before him. He couldn’t even begin to describe his disgust. Yes, part of him realized it was just an unconventional plating choice, but something about it made him irrationally angry.

Spaghetti Bolognese in a jar.

How vile.

The appearance was unappetizing and the sauce was unable to properly coat the noodles. The ones stuck in the middle of the jar starting to dry. But when he tried to stir it around, it made the most obscenely goopy noises, much like a fresh pot of mac and cheese from the box.

His anger and disgust rising, Ben grabbed the jar and headed to the kitchen, intending to barge in and yell at the chef. But something stopped him. Or rather, someone. A famous food blogger was being led into the kitchen by the maitre d, and so Ben couldn’t make a scene. In fact, he very much needed to get the fuck out of the way before they spotted him with the pathetic jar of Bolognese. 

He dashed into the nearest door, not checking what it was. Thankfully, it turned out to be the men’s bathroom. Faced with the sleek design and unconventional urinals, he felt hot shame rise to his cheeks. Ben tried to breathe, to calm himself, to make it go away, but like an old dog that couldn’t be taught new tricks, his boner rose to the occasion. 

He stared at the jar in his hand, his fingers not even touching around the wide circumference of the jar. The fork in his hand he stirred it again and that sound from before echoed in the tiled wall of the bathroom. This fucking spaghetti was the worst, and this restaurant was pretentious and full of terrible fucking hipsters. Fuck this spaghetti.

_Fuck this spaghetti,_ he thought, staring at the jar in his hand. _Fuck it. Literally._ He couldn’t believe the thought had occurred to him, and now that it had, he couldn’t get it out of his head. His humiliation kink and his exhibitionism kink had caught on and he was rapidly approaching a dick situation that wasn’t going to be solved with anything short of a hasty orgasm in the stall of a restaurant bathroom with a jar of insultingly horrible hipster food.

Yes, this was a perfect idea. He could get his rocks off, then leave his cum-filled jar of idiotic spaghetti behind as a parting fuck you to the chef. 

He pushed his way into the stall and unzipped his pants, but after a second thought, he pulled down a paper seat cover and then his pants. Sitting on the toilet seat, he gazed at the jar, and pulled out his dick and pumped it twice to take the edge off. He tried to aim his dick for the open mouth of the jar but tipped it too far and sauce and noodles dripped into the crotch of his dress pants. He cursed, feeling even more enraged at the crimes against pasta that were being committed in the jar he held in his hand. How _dare_ this monstrosity make a mess of his clothing?

No, there was nothing to be done for it. He had to hatefuck the offending dish, but he had to do it carefully. He stood up, carefully positioning himself so that he could fuck the food with minimal mess. He angled his dick to slide into the wide mouth of the mason jar. The tepid sauce and noodles parted around the head of his dick as it slid into the container that had cooled down to an uncomfortable temperature. To his disappointment, the tip of his dick hit the bottom of the jar before he could get the entire thing in there, adding _Couldn’t even get balls deep_ to the list of crimes this atrocity had committed.

His temper rising he grit his teeth and let out a low growl, pulling back away from the mouth of the jar only to thrust back in, getting more and more angry about only being three quarters of the way into the jar. The noodles starting to chill was a strange sensation, the air cooling the sauce that was stuck to his cock.

But it would work. The noodles and the little grains of meat gave the whole jar a bumpy texture, the sauce acted as a kind of lube, even if it was lacking over all. He found a rhythm, not too fast because otherwise he’d hit the edge of the jar again, but slow and shallow, packing fallen noodles into the bottom of the jar to cushion his thrusts. 

The fact that it felt as good as it did only fueled Ben’s rage, which in turn made the whole thing even hotter. What if someone walked in the restroom and heard him fucking this jar of food? What if it was that famous food blogger, and they posted about the man fucking a jar of hipster food in a restaurant bathroom to their tens of thousands of followers? The potential humiliation caused Ben to gasp, something that a deeply-buried part of him hoped another restaurant patron heard.

Ben felt his cheeks burn from humiliation, he knew he was being lewd and disgusting. It only made his cock harder. The squishing noises of him fucking the spaghetting echoing through the bathroom. It was almost as if it wasn’t food he was fucking. But it _was_ food he was fucking.

That thought sent him over the edge. The shame of it all, burning through him and making his balls tighten before he finally came with a shout. His knuckles were white against the black bathroom walls, and he shook from the force of it as the sound reverberated throughout the room. It was loud enough to be heard from outside, most likely. If anyone had been passing by or seated particularly close.

Ben gulped, shame subsiding as reality set in. He’d need to clean up quickly and have money ready to throw on the table so he could make a quick exit. Then he’d have to head home with bits of sauce stuck to his boxers.

Fuck. That was way hotter than he expected it to be. Maybe it was the hate-fucking aspect. Or maybe it was the shame of it all. He’d have to detail it all in his diary when he got home.

\-- 

Rey was on the 10th hour of her 12 hour shift in the ER when she heard Finn and Hux arguing in the on call room. She rolled her eyes at their childish antics and pushed her way into the room to see what they were fussing about.

“No.” Hux was saying with his arms folded across his chest. 

“Please. He’s just so mean and rude and really weird. I’ve had to deal with him the last 3 times he’s been here.” Finn was pleading. 

“Finn, What patient are you having trouble with?” Rey asked, trying to be helpful. She knew that there was no sympathy to be had from Hux, he was about as stubborn as they came.

“Room 12.” Finn looked at her with hopeful eyes. 

Rey just nodded and patted his back. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it.”

Both men looked at her in horror, jaws dropped, which made Rey blink for a moment before sighing. “What? You don’t think I can handle a weird one? We work in the ER for fuck’s sake.”

“Rey, no, this guy is… He’s insane,” Finn said quickly. “He keeps coming back in for foreign object extractions. He’s got some kind of fetish.”

With a laugh, she began to walk away. “Don’t worry, I can handle it. I’ve done foreign object extractions before.”  
  
“I really don’t think you should,” Hux started.

She turned to Hux then, a scowl on her face. “Don’t you start. You wouldn’t help Finn out, so _I_ will. You owe me now.”

With that she walked out of the on call room and over to Room 12.

Her first impression of the patient in Room 12 was _Oh boy._ She’d done plenty of foreign object extractions, but she’d never done one on a patient this large. _Keep it professional,_ she chided herself. _You’re on duty. It’s your job to help patients, not judge them._ “Good evening,” she said, putting on her best smile. “I’m Rey. I’ll be taking care of you today. How are you feeling?” _How are you feeling?_ she thought. _He’s in the ER, for fuck’s sake! You know how he’s feeling._

She glanced at his chart to look at the details of his case. _Patient says he “fell” on a Japanese cucumber and can’t extract it himself,_ the chart said. Despite all her best attempts to keep this professional, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about how he’d look on his hands and knees, ready to take her strap. _No!_ she told herself. _Bad Rey!_

The patient— _Ben Solo,_ his chart said—turned bright red. “Well,” he said slowly, “I’m in the ER, so why don't you tell me?”

“Probably a little uncomfortable,” Rey mused, “says here you _fell?_ On a cucumber.”

“A Japanese Cucumber, that’s correct.”

“You normally leave those laying around propped up just waiting to be fallen on?”

He huffed, and crossed his arms, before quickly uncrossing them and dropping them towards his waist. “Look, I thought I had a good handle on it and then _gone_.”

Rey hummed, stepping closer to him, dropping his chart over the end of the bed. “Just gone, huh? That’s why when you fuck yourself in the ass with a vegetable, you wanna be more careful.”

“I’m normally very careful.”

“I’m sure you are,” she agreed amiably, eyes quickly taking in the still present flush on his cheeks and the way his chest was heaving. “You okay?” she asked, a little more gently.

“Fine,” he told her, teeth gritted and hands clenching.

“Alright, well, let’s see what we’ve got.” She quickly washed her hands and then reached for the glove box and pulled out a pair, snapping them on before reaching for the end of the fabric of his robe. Gently she placed a palm on his asscheek and stilled when he flinched away. “You sure you’re alright?”

“I said I’m fine.” Rey hummed in acknowledgement and then ran her thumb down and carefully pushed at his flesh until she could see the small furl of his asshole. 

“Oh, yeah, it’s really in there, huh?”

“Yeah,” he grunted.

“How long are Japanese cucumbers, usually?” 

Ben Solo coughed awkwardly. “Around 8 inches or so. But… uh… the end broke off when I tried to take it out myself.”

Rey had to bite her lip to keep from laughing aloud at the poor man’s misfortune. “Ah, I see. So of course you had no choice but to come here.” 

“Unfortunately,” Ben mumbled to himself. “I try not to.”

Turning to the cabinets and sink, Rey pulled out a few of the items she’d need. Lubricant, for one. Forceps. A speculum. Various other things. She’d need a nurse to grab the local anesthesia and a needle. “Perhaps you should stick to anal toys with a flared base? And perhaps things that are made to be stuck up your ass? There’s plenty of options these days. No need to be ashamed of walking into a sex shop or perusing a website.”

“I’ll consider it,” he snapped, sounding even more miserable than before, despite the small burst of anger.

Rey got to work, lubing her gloves to help make things more comfortable before starting the extraction. The cucumber was lodged rather far in there but she was able to get all of it without leaving any unpassable pieces behind. 

When she was all done she removed the gloves and covered his bottom back up with the gown before washing her hands again at the sink.

“Well, it looks like you’re in luck and we were able to get everything out without having to resort to an endoscopy, which can be pretty expensive.” Rey gave him her best stern look even though she was still rather impressed by him being able to take that large of a cucumber. Again she struggled with maintaining professional thoughts, although if she was being honest she rather enjoyed this extraction over any others she had done before. 

She cleared her throat to help push away her thoughts. 

“The lab results also came up positive for a UTI. Have you been experiencing symptoms?”

“A few. Never this bad though.” His eyes darted between her and the floor.

“If you’re feeling well enough you can get dressed and one of the nurses will be in to finish up any paperwork and get you a prescription for the antibiotic.”

She couldn’t help but notice how his hands covered his groin as he still lay curled on the bed, his cheeks a delicious pink and his ears a burning red through the tendrils of hair. 

“Do you need anything else?” Her tone softer than she had intended. 

He seemed to almost shudder but shook his head no.

“Alright, have a good night.”

She was still thinking about that patient when she went home after her shift ended a couple of hours later. It was _so_ unprofessional, but as she drove back to the apartment where she lived alone, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about how large he was and how flushed he’d been during the procedure.

_“Fell on a cucumber” sure, Jan,_ she thought with a snort. It wasn’t until she was standing in front of her fridge, trying to figure out what to eat for dinner, that she realized her gaze kept coming back to the cucumber she had sitting in the vegetable crisper in her fridge.

Rey had never given much thought to having sex with a vegetable, but she couldn’t stop thinking about how much cucumber that patient had been able to fit inside of himself. Which begged the question:

How much cucumber could Rey fit inside of herself?

She wasn’t going to attempt anal play with a cucumber; she knew better than to stick things without a flared base up her ass. But vaginal play was a completely different game. It wasn’t nearly as difficult to lose something in a vagina as it was in an anus.

_No, that’s a terrible idea,_ she tried to tell herself as her gaze caught on the cucumbers for the third time. _That’s not what cucumbers are meant for._

And yet.

Fifteen minutes later, she was on her way to her bedroom with a cucumber in hand.

Kicking off her shorts and underwear she reached into the drawer of her bedside table, pulling out a condom. Sitting on the bed she quickly rolled it on and settled back onto her pillows, slowly spreading her legs, keeping her knees bent.

“Okay,” she breathed, “already this far.” She was embarrassingly wet already, as she dragged her fingers through her folds, and it was definitely, absolutely not because of that hulking giant of a patient who blushed so prettily. “Unprofessional,” she muttered, closing her eyes to push the thought of him away and to focus on something else, someone else. 

It didn’t work, because as soon as she pressed the rounded, unforgiving tip of the cucumber to her lips her mind replayed the tiny groan he let out while she was almost done working. He had been so good for her, stayed relaxed, but gods was he an idiot. She gasped as she pressed the vegetable deeper, a hand coming up to play with her breasts. It was good, better than she expected. Could maybe see the appeal of — _no_ , she was done thinking about him.

But she wasn’t, traitorous brain. She clenched around the cucumber, letting her hand fall to her clit and rub tight circles around it. He was so damn _big_ , she wondered, hoped, he was proportional, he could probably fill her up so good. It was the thought of kneeling behind him though, carefully fucking him with a cucumber, showing him how to _properly_ get fucked in the ass that sent her careening into orgasm. 

Rey tried very, very hard not to keep thinking about him, and once she started her next shift, she was too busy to really care about anything except getting through the day. It was Friday, and that meant she could treat herself to a pint and something tasty down at the local British pub if she got there before last call. 

She strolled in and headed towards the back, wanting a comfy booth seat to keep her propped up while she downed her food and beer. She thought she saw an empty one, and approached it, but someone was sitting just beyond a banister. Not just any someone _-Ben Solo-_ and he had that same deliciously flushed look on his face. 

“Look who it is,” she chortled, attributing the redness of his cheeks to perhaps a few too many drinks that night. “How’s your bum doing?”

Ben’s eyes widened as she stood by his table, smiling. “F-fine.” 

“That’s good news. Sometimes people are a bit sore after.” She told him. She watched as he shifted uncomfortably under the table, an empty plate in front of him. Then she felt something bump her foot.

She looked down to see a sausage laying next to her foot and looked back at the flushed look of Ben, his eyes hooded as if in the throes of ecstasy. 

She shook the thought away, her thoughts of him hadn’t subsided, it was her imagination. She bent to pick up the food, not wanting anyone to step on it and slip or to make a mess for the wait staff. 

However, when Ben saw it his eyes went wide and she watched his shoulders shift and tense. 

“Ben?” His eyes met hers before darting away. “What are you doing?” She leaned to peak under the table surprised to see plaid fabric and bare skin on his leg. 

“N-nothing.” He said, shifting guiltily. His hands were still under the table, was he masturbating in the bar?

_Oh my god,_ she thought. _He’s totally jerking off under there._ Did anyone else know? Was anyone else paying attention to him? She did her best to sneak a look around the bar, but everyone was too absorbed in their own conversations, drinks, or cell phones to pay attention to the large man wearing a kilt with a sausage lying at his feet.

The more she thought about it, the wetter she got. She squeezed her legs together, thinking about the cucumber and wondering how Ben’s dick measured up to it. How many boundaries did it break if she asked him to come home with her so that she could find out for certain how he measured up to a vegetable.

“Nothing,” she repeated slowly, flashing him a grin. “You seem awfully flushed for doing nothing, Mr Solo.”

“C-call me Ben,” he stammered, his face flushing harder. Was it her imagination, or did she detect his arm muscles flexing in a way that suggested movement under the table?

“Ben,” she repeated, allowing her gaze to linger on his arm just long enough to suggest that she knew what he was up to under the table.

His eyes fixed on her own and she watched his Adam's apple bob in his throat. 

She slid into the booth next to him and she watched him take in a breath as his lips parted. 

"Are you jacking off under the table right now?" She asked him, not taking her eyes off of his. 

He gave a jerky nod, then lowered his gaze away from her to look at the wall.

Rey smiled, proud to have caught him in the act. And he wasn’t shying away or stopping. “With just your hands or does the sausage have something to do with it?”

Ben immediately began to sputter and cough, unable to look at her or answer, but also unwilling to move his hands above the table.

“You know,” Rey said, scooting in closer to him. “The sausage rolls here are delicious. One of my favorites, actually.”

“O-oh,” was all he could manage, his ears and face were redder than a ketchup bottle now.  
  
“I really wouldn’t recommend fucking a sausage roll with a UTI though,” she continued. “All that yeast…”

Ben groaned beside her and twisted away slightly. Not so much to get away, but to hide his shame from her. If Rey’s suspicions were correct, he had a serious humiliation kink, and was only getting off on her continued efforts to torment him.

She scooted closer again to the point where their hips touched, and grinned when he inhaled quickly at the touch. Then she raised her hand. “Waiter!” 

She could feel Ben release a shudder next to her and the waiter came over to their table. 

“What can I get you?” The waiter asked 

“Can I get a sausage roll and a pint of Guinness?” 

“Coming right up.” The waiter said not even writing down her order. a

The waiter left the table and Rey’s eyes shifted back to Ben’s hunched form. “So, how did you really get the UTI?” She asked him, feeling mischievous. 

She watched his jaw clench and his lips purse and fold as if trying to hold back an answer. She waited patiently, letting the silence pull him out of his shell. 

She watched his mouth move but only heard the rumble of his answer.

“What was that I couldn’t hear you.” Rey asked him, rather loudly. 

“ _Asushiroll,_ ” he said so quickly and quietly that Rey almost missed it a second time. Her eyebrows raised as she replayed his words in her head, mentally conjuring up an image of him thrusting into a roll of deep green seaweed and sticky rice. It was a wonder he didn’t need an extraction for some stray rice grain. 

“A sushi roll.” She said considering. “What kind of sushi roll?” She asked conversationally as if they weren’t talking about him fucking food. His arm was still moving slightly against her own and she preened at the idea that this guy was still going to cum and with her full encouragement. 

“An eel roll.” He stammered out and she considered the scaly texture of the meat. He seemed to prefer some level of discomfort physically and emotionally, and she was intrigued at the challenge he posed. 

“So, Ben. You seem to really be enjoying yourself here tonight.” She watched as his eyes closed and he let out a shaky breath. 

He nodded and she was about to continue the small talk when the waiter came with her order. 

“This looks delicious. The crust is so flakey, and soft, the inside is nice and moist.” She dramatically pulled one apart and watched the steam roll out of it. 

“Was it still hot when you started?” She asked as she bit into the roll sucking in air to cool her mouth.

“Or did you wait for it to reach a safe temperature?”

Ben choked again just as the waiter put her pint of Guinness down on its coaster. Rey smiled up at the man and thanked him, and he left, eying the two of them. She wondered if he’d caught on, and if Ben noticed his gaze lingering over him. 

“I waited a bit,” he mumbled. 

“Good, you’re not a total idiot then,” Rey said, her mouth full of hot sausage. She should have waited a bit too, but instead she puffed out some air to cool down the bite she had taken.  
  
She chewed for a moment longer, leaning back in the booth mostly to ease her sore back after a long shift, but also to watch him struggle to hide himself from her gaze.  
  
“Did it feel good? With the cucumber?” 

Ben groaned and leaned against the edge of the table for support. Rey reached over for her pint, making sure to twist her body so she brushed up against his.  
  
“Answer me. Did you fuck your ass good with that cucumber, Ben?” she whispered.

The hard swallow and tense nod wasn’t as satisfying as hearing him say it so she pressed him.

“Answer me, did you fuck your ass good with that cucumber?”

“Ye-ye-yes.” He stammered out and she smiled, pleased.

“Good.” She told him, grinning in a way that she knew looked like she had just swallowed a whole canary.

“Did you still have an erection when you were lying in the hospital bed last night when I left you?” His body shifted as if uncomfortable, she was beginning to notice he had a tell. 

“Yes.” He said a little more firmly after a beat, his arm shifting a bit more noticeably. 

“Did you cum before or after you got home?” He cleared his throat and she could feel the muscles in his arm move against her own. She wondered just how close he was. Would his cum stay in the roll or would it spatter onto the floor of the bar? Forever marking it with his presence. The more she considered what he was doing the more fascinated she was with the whole process. 

She shifted again facing him completely as she popped another bite of the sausage roll into her mouth. His arm movements began to drag across her breasts, catching on her already stiff nipples. She’d been wet from the very moment she’d noticed his bare legs in that pretty little kilt.  
  
“B-before,” he said, stuttering as she pressed her chest against him.  
  
“Where?”

“The bathroom, just outside the ER.”  
  
Rey’s fingers crept over her thighs, dipping in between and began to rub against the stiff fabric of her jeans. It wouldn’t do much, but right now she didn’t want release, just friction. “Did anyone hear you?” 

“Y-yeah, probably,” Ben said with a sharp inhale, he was probably getting really close, if Rey had to guess. “I got some funny looks.”

Rey smiled fondly at the thought of him lumbering out of the stalls to wash his cum-stained hand. “But you liked that didn’t you?”  
  
Ben whimpered and nodded, closing his eyes tight. She almost had him.

“Did you think about me when you did it?”  
  
All at once, Ben opened his eyes wide and turned to look at her, a tell-tale groan issuing forth from his mouth. Just as quickly, he swallowed the noise up and looked down, relaxing against the back of the bench.

Finally, she saw his cock spent and pulsing out of the top of the sausage roll into his hand before he covered himself up out of modesty.  
  
“I guess that answers that question, Ben Solo,” Rey said, grinning from ear to ear as she handed him a napkin.

She finished up her sausage roll as she watched him surreptitiously clean himself up under the table. Oddly enough, he left the cum-stained bread on his plate in the open. Part of her wanted to cover it up with a napkin to save the poor wait staff from the gruesome discovery, but another part of her knew it was part of the thrill for him. 

She began to take a long drink of her beer when she realized he had just thrown down several bills to cover his tab. He intended to leave immediately. She couldn’t have that.

Grabbing wallet, she followed suit then chugged the rest of her drink. Thankfully he hadn’t gotten far, just outside the door, really, when she managed to catch up.  
  
“Wait!”

Ben Solo stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn to look at her. Rey felt her heart rate increase as she approached him, not sure what to say yet. She just knew she didn’t want it to end like that. She wanted to see him again, wanted to see him all debauched and depraved like that again. She wanted to join in. 

Somehow she’d grabbed a napkin from the table, and it was still clutched in her hand, she dug through her purse until she finally found a pen and then leaned it up against his back as she scribbled down her name and number. 

“Next time,” she started, not sure how to voice all her desires yet, and pushed the napkin into his coat pocket.

Ben Solo just looked down at it, then swiftly walked away.

-

Ben barely remembered the walk home. The doctor that he had thought of obsessively the last 24 hours sat next to him while he ejaculated in a bar. 

She hadn’t been disgusted, she hadn’t called the police, instead she gave him her number. 

But was it _real?_ Was it a _trap?_ It was hard to say.

She seemed like she had been turned on, he had seen her hand slip between her thighs and rub against the front of her jeans. The way she had come after him instead of letting him slip into the night. 

But did he dare call her?

She was successful, a doctor anyways. She didn’t need his baggage and hangups. He thrived off of humiliation. He didn’t even know if he could have a normal relationship. 

He knew she’d get sick of him eventually. 

But she did sit next to him, she called him out for what he was doing. Like she knew. Like she liked it even. 

She was gorgeous and he’d be a fool to turn down the offer to call her. 

His curiosity piqued, he opened his hand to reveal the crumpled and slightly damp napkin. Thankfully her number was still intact. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket with a shaking hand. It took him several tries to unlock the screen, his nerves creating hurdles at every pass. When he finally was able to open a new message and correctly put in her number he hesitated. 

Was it too soon? He had seen her 30 minutes ago.

He considered it a moment before throwing caution to the wind and typing in a short message. 

**Ben:** Hi. This is Ben.

He sent the message before he could chicken out and set the phone down so he wouldn’t rapid fire messages at her in his anxious state. 

In less than a minute his phone buzzed and he picked it up, disappointed to see the weather notification.

He was about to set it down again when the message notification came across the top of his screen.

He wasted no time in adding her to his contacts since he was certain this was her number.

**Dr. Rey:** Hello. I’m glad you texted me. 

**Ben:** Are you disgusted by what I did?

**Dr. Rey:** No. I might be a bit fascinated, a little curious, definitely aroused. 

It shocked Ben that she was being so upfront, but then again he had just come in front of her and she had already retrieved a cucumber from his ass. There was really no point in starting to be shy now. 

**Ben:** May I ask why?

The little dots that indicated she was typing something popped up. Then disappeared, then returned again. Nervous, Ben switched off his phone and tried to distract himself by grabbing his food diary and writing down an entry.

_September 16th_

_Sausage roll at The Fish & The Nun _

_Served piping hot, best to wait a moment before attempting anything. The sausage will slip out of the pastry casing the more you thrust into it. Inner layers are slick and slightly pleasant to the touch, but lack the heft to make it feel good without manual assistance. Sausage can provide additional texture, though this bar’s version uses ground sausage meat and not a sausage in a casing._

_The experience was very different this time due to a very attractive doctor unexpectedly joining my table. Her presence enhanced the experience, however, it changed this experiment and I cannot fully say if I have judged the poor sausage roll fairly as a result._

_10/10_

By the time Ben was finished writing in his food diary time enough had passed that he checked his phone. Rey had finally answered him. 

**Dr. Rey:** I think you’re attractive and I like to be a bit dominating. Your response to me in the restaurant, and the idea of you being fucked by or fucking food and in public no less. I don’t think I’ve ever been so turned on by something. I’m sorry if I’m coming off as too forward but I feel like I may as well be, given the situation. 

Ben thought about what she said. She had found him attractive and had gotten off on his behaviors in the restaurant. 

Now he was the one that found he was starting and stopping and erasing his text. As eager as he was to pursue this he had to admit he was in uncharted territory. 

**Ben** : Would you want to go on a date… or something?

He was nervous asking and couldn’t explain why. The woman had already watched him pleasure himself in public with a sausage roll. She had willingly given him her number and she was talking to him now. It was insensible to be anxious about asking her that. 

**Dr. Rey:** I would like that, actually. I have off tomorrow. Where would you like to meet?

Ben couldn’t believe his luck that she would agree so quickly. 

**Ben:** Takodana Cantina? 

**Dr. Rey** : Great! I’ll see you there at 7.

**Ben** : See you there at 7. 

He confirmed, feeling excited for the first time since he fucked that McDonalds apple pie.

\--

Rey pulled down the edge of her mini skirt as she walked up to Takodana Cantina at 6:59 pm. She was a little bit later than she would like to be, but she hadn’t had a date in ages and wasn’t too sure what to wear. Then she remembered the previous night and how much she wished she could have stuck her fingers inside herself as Ben fucked his sausage roll, and she had to start all over again. Thankfully she hadn’t thrown out all her skirts when she cleaned out her closet last spring. Also she was assuming that this wouldn’t really be a regular date. At least she hoped it wouldn’t be.

She hadn’t been to this particular restaurant before, but hopefully it would have relatively private seating arrangements like the bar. The idea with playing with herself in public like this had long been a turn on, one she rarely indulged in, and the addition of food made it even more strange and titillating. 

Pushing in the door, she saw Ben’s tall figure in the foyer and smiled. He looked at her in surprise and smiled shyly back, mumbling a greeting. 

“You look nice,” he said quietly. 

She smiled back at him. “Not so bad yourself,” she replied. “Shall we?”

Ben’s large warm hand pressed lightly into the small of her back as they were escorted to their table by the hostess. They were just taking their seats when there was a shout from across the restaurant. 

“Ben Solo!” Rey turned to look and saw a very petite woman in large coke bottle glasses approach them. She turned back to Ben surprised that he knew someone here. 

“It’s good to see you, you look more and more like your father everyday. He still owes me that poker game you know.” She said to him, eyeing him over her glasses. 

“Hey, Maz. I didn’t know you worked the night shifts.” She eyed him suspiciously. 

“I know you think I’m old, but I’ve aged well and I’m not about to let this place fall apart because someone thinks I should have an early retirement.” She said arching her brow at him. It was then that she seemed to notice Rey’s presence. 

“Ah you brought a date, about time you started interacting with others again.” The woman, Maz, said with a smirk. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell your mother I know how she badgers you.” Maz said with a wink. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Maz said turning to her, her hand held out expectedly. 

“Rey.” She told the woman. 

“Rey. Let’s hope you stick around a while, although I have to say you might be too pretty for him.” 

She made a brief goodbye and made her way to the kitchen, careening through the tables. 

When Rey turned back to Ben he was red cheeked and his hand was rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Sorry. I didn’t realize she’d be here.”

Rey was somewhat skeptical but let it pass. “So what do you recommend?” she asked, making a show of pulling out the menu. “What’s your preferred…” She bit her lip, trying to mimic the way women always seemed to flirt in the movies. “...dish?”

The effort was worth it for the way Ben’s face turned bright red. Either Rey wasn’t as bad as flirting as she thought, or Ben was easy to impress now that she knew his little secret. “Well,” he said, letting his gaze drop to the menu before drifting back up to meet her eyes, “My favorite is the burrito, but I’m not sure how much you’ll enjoy that.”

Rey hummed, feeling her own cheeks heat up at the thought of watching Ben enjoy a burrito. “That sounds delicious,” she said, “although I’m not sure I’m up for a burrito.”

Ben had made the mistake of trying to take a sip of water as she spoke, and he choked when the implication in Rey’s words hit him. “Uh—”

She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing at him. For someone who was considered a “regular” in the ER for his strange (yet surprisingly erotic) fetish, he sure could be bashful, it seemed. Rey found it endearing. “Sorry,” she said. “Was that too much?”

Ben’s eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously. “No, I’m just...well, surprised,” he admitted. “That’s all. I mean, the beautiful doctor who helped me remove a cucumber without judgement, on a date with me?”

“You think I’m beautiful?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

He seemed surprised by her reaction. “You don’t?” 

It was probably not the takeaway he’d meant, but it was too late to go back now. “I mean—I’ve never—” she sputtered.

Rey gulped and looked down at the menu. She supposed it was good that he found her attractive, right? That was the effect she wanted to have on him. It was just that she was so used to Finn and Hux teasing her for her messy buns and the super casual outfits she wore when she wasn’t in scrubs, it was unusual for her to hear anything else.

“Thank you,” she murmured, her cheeks flushing red unexpectedly. “You’re very handsome too.”

Ben sputtered again, coughing on a fresh sip of water. “T-thanks. You said. Before.”

“It’s still true,” Rey said, smiling up at him. 

They spent an awkward moment in silence as Rey went back to scanning the menu. She didn’t really know whether they would actually be eating or what, and her choices would be wildly different depending on the situation. Did she dare order street tacos only to find out that Ben was going to fuck his burrito? Did she want to fuck any of these foods? Maybe she should have snuck a cucumber into her purse…

“Um, the taquitos look...solid?”

Ben’s eyes met her just as she looked up from the menu. There was a strange look in his eyes, as if he was trying to imagine her fucking them. She’d have to take that as a sign. 

“Are they good?”

Ben gulped hard. “I haven’t tried them before.”

Rey flushed hot with shame. “Oh.”

“Everything is good here, though. I haven’t had a bad meal here ever,” he said.

She nodded and perused the menu the taquitos would be firm, her thighs already slick with the arousal of being in his presence, the idea of what they might do, and the possibilities of getting caught. 

“I think I’m going to go with the taquitos.” She said, closing the menu and waiting for their waiter to return for their orders. 

Her and Ben made small talk, chatting about their day and she had almost forgotten the kind of date this was potentially turning into when the waiter came back to take down what they wanted. 

“So, have you done this before?” Ben asked her, taking a chip and scooping up some salsa with it. It was hard not feel like it was an erotic act.

“Well, after I got home from work the other night, I fucked myself with a cucumber.” She said lowly to him. 

He nearly choked on his chip and he had to take a big drink of his water to clear it. 

“Too much?” She asked, enjoying the blush and the intensity of his gaze when his eyes finally met hers. There was a heat to it that went straight to her core and she had to squeeze her thighs together to ease the pressure. 

“No.” He said, shaking his head. “Just unexpected.”

She brushed her foot against his leg and he caught it under the table, bringing to rest on his thigh. 

She shuddered at the brush of his fingers as they touched her. 

It wasn’t long after and the food came sizzling and steaming on their plates. Rey was salivating over the sights and scents as they arrived. 

“This looks delicious.” She told him. 

“It does.” She watched as he meticulously cut into the end of the burrito before eating the small portion he allowed for himself and the beans and rice that came on the side. 

Rey dug into her food as well. She savored the warm flavors of the taquito saving one of them to the side for after. 

She chewed her food as she watched Ben check the temperature of his burrito. It seemed like it was still too hot by the way he went back to his rice and beans, but she took out the condom from her purse just in case he was ready to begin soon.

Rey was really glad she had brought a few along. She definitely did not want an UTI like Ben’s, even though she knew it must be so much worse for him, considering male urethra were so much longer than female ones. She also wasn’t quite sure how comfortable it would be to have crispy taco shells inside, but the condom would help with all of that and thankfully the anticipation was making her incredibly wet. 

She slowly ate her salad and beans, watching Ben carefully, not wanting to miss the moment he picked up his burrito and slipped it under the table. He was watching his surroundings now, making sure that none of the waiters or other patrons were looking at them too carefully. 

It was a Saturday, which meant it was busy, but the extra long booths did give them more leeway. There was no way anyone could see what they were doing from up close. They’d have to be standing far away and catch just the right angle to really see anything. Rey shifted her purse to her other side, blocking her thigh, just in case.

Then the moment came as Ben gingerly picked up his burrito. Rey watched with bated breath as he slipped it under the table and adjusted, his eyes never stopped scanning his surroundings, his cheeks a healthy pink. She knew the moment that he sheathed himself inside as his eyes slid shut and his mouth opened softly in pleasure. 

Rey’s pussy clenched around nothing and she squeezed her thighs together in an attempt to relieve some of the ache. She watched in rapt attention as the muscles in his shoulders moved minutely.

“Is it good?” She asked him, sensing that she already knew the answer. 

“It-it’s a little hot still,” Ben hissed lowly. “But yeah, it’s good. Squishy.”

Licking her lips, she opened up her condom and spread her legs in anticipation. With a quick glance around the restaurant to be sure, she slid out the plastic as she secreted a taquito into the napkin on her lap.  
  
It was easy to put the condom onto the thing, but she hesitated as she lowered it between her legs, shifting so the angle would work. It felt strange, almost wrong, but one look up at Ben and the eager look in his eyes as he pushed into his burrito had her fingers on her clit instantly. It didn’t take too much more convincing for her to slide the little morsel into her cunt, finally giving it something to clench on.  
  
“It’s in,” she told Ben as her heart started to pound. Just like his burrito it felt a little hot inside her, the heat of the food transferring through the thin walls of the condom to warm her.

Across the table, a quiet squelching noise began as Ben’s ears began to turn red.

He watched her as she pumped the taquito inside of herself, his gaze was heated and his pupils were blown. She had to bite down on her lower lip in order to focus on him and not what she was doing under the table and it was a good thing she did because she was soon interrupted by the waiter. 

“Is everything okay?” He asked, eying them curiously. 

“Really, good.” Ben choked out while she managed to barely squeak out the word “Amazing.”

The waiter nodded at them and went on his way and Rey loved the rush she got from the experience. She felt her walls clench down on the item she was moving within herself and she knew it wouldn’t be long before she came. 

“Ben.” She gasped out and she watched as his mouth opened in awe as we watched her pleasure wash over her features. 

Her own mouth dropped open as her thighs clenched shut around her hand and within moments Ben’s eyes slammed shut and his shoulders jerked as he came within the burrito. 

For a long moment they sat there, staring at each other, hardly moving. But Rey could see the waiter occasionally glancing back at them from the drink station, so she quickly removed the taquito and sat up straight.

She was about to put it back on her plate like Ben had done, but thought better of it and wrapped the thing in her napkin so she could put it in her purse.

“Fuck, this is messy,” Ben murmured and she looked over to see him struggling below the table.

  
“You okay? Do you need napkins?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” he sighed. “I can’t leave this thing here for Maz to find. I won’t hear the end of it if I don’t finish everything.” 

With a giggle, Rey tossed him more napkins and he eventually stuffed the heavily wrapped mount into an inside pocket of his jacket.  
  
“Bathroom,” he said, sliding out of the booth quickly. “Be right back.” 

It felt strange to suddenly be alone at the table after what they just did. There wasn’t much left on her plate, but she munched on the last bite of beans just as Maz sidled up to her sHide of the booth. 

“I heard you two were playing footsies under the table,” the old woman said with a sly grin. “Date’s going well, I take it?” 

Rey felt her insides churn with nervousness as her cheeks burned. 

  
“Oh! Um yeah, Ben- Ben’s definitely-”

Maz cackled at that, cutting off whatever Rey was going to stammer out next. “Good. That boy needs to be shaken loose.”

Ben reappeared at the table, his eyes wide with horror. “M-Maz.”  
  
“Benny-boy,” she said, crawling out from next to Rey and coming over to his side. “You enjoy your burrito?”

“Yes. I did. It was... very good. As usual.”

That garnered another teasing smile from Maz. “Stiff as a board. I don’t know how you’ve managed to crack this nut, Rey.”

Rey shrugged helplessly as Ben looked over at her. Maz was sweet, but definitely not the kind of post-orgasm vibe they were looking for. 

“Well, I’ll let you get on with it,” Maz said. “Just don’t traumatize my staff again, okay?”

  
  


  
Rey struggled with what to say and knew that her mouth was opening and closing like a fish. Ben’s face was as red as a beet within minutes he was dropping money on the table and ushering her out the door. 

They barely made it into the parking lot before Rey burst out into a fit of giggles. The shock and thrill of the evening running through her. 

“That was fun.” She told him, peeking up at him.

“Yeah, it was great.” He said, his shoulders dropping some as if he was relieved. 

“But I think next time I would like to eat from the comfort of my own home.”

Ben cleared his throat and when she looked up at him again he had a look of surprise.

“Again?”

“What you don’t want to?” She was a little surprised, he seemed to enjoy himself, even though they didn’t get a chance to talk about much. 

“No,no. I want to. I just…” He rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. “I just didn’t know if you thought this was a one time thing.”

“Oh no, Benny-boy. You’re stuck with me for a little while.” She told him rather confidently. He grinned widely at her, his crooked teeth peeking through his plush lips. 

“This is me.” She said as they made it to her car.

“Ok, I had a nice time Rey.” He said as if they had just had a very run of the mill first date.

“Me too, Ben.” She leaned toward him a bit and it seemed to be all of the encouragement he needed to bend down to press his lips against hers. 

She returned the kiss and within a few moments she was in her car planning their next date. 

There were some particularly enticing carrots last time she was at the grocery store...

\--

Ben had long ago resigned himself to never finding a partner. The food fucking thing just didn’t bring in a lot of messages on OKCupid or FetLife. And that was fine. He was used to being alone. Very used to it, in fact. 

That meant when he and Rey had their second date, then their third, their fourth, and so on, he was at a bit of a loss. Things had never ever _ever_ gone this well for him. That’s why he didn’t mind when Rey’s schedule meant they couldn’t get together for long stretches (he was just happy that she still wanted to see him), or Rey just wanted to lay down on the couch and watch Netflix like a normal couple.  
  
It actually felt surprisingly good to do normal things with Rey. Maybe it was because he knew she’d always lean over whisper dirty things in his ear whenever she saw something that looked fuckable. Maybe it was because she always came to him whenever she thought of something he could fuck. Or that he could fuck her with. Or that he could wrap around his dick and fuck her with both.

He’d never had so much sex before in his life.  
  
And best part about _that_ was that she kept him out of that stupid fucking ER. If he got another UTI, she’d come home with antibiotics for him.

That’s why it felt natural to invite her to contribute to his blog about two months into their relationship, and why it was equally as natural to suggest moving in together a year later. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to yeet ideas for other chapters at us, feel free.
> 
> If you just want to let us know that this fic is bad and we're all going to hell... Don't worry, we already know.


End file.
